i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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