literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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