I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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