Ketchup is God's man juice
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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