I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
