I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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