I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
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