i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize