The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
