i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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