Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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