On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
