So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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