Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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