I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
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