We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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