im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
