I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
