Have you finally orgasmed yet?
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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