I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Green mimosas i think yes
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
