I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
