please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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