It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
