Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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