So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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