yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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