I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
