And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
