Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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