ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
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The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
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If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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