I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
