i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
