Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Randomize
