He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
