I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
