I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
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It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
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Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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