I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Shame is for Republicans.
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