We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
