how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
