I'm laying in your front yard are you home
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
