I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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