feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
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