Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
