what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
