I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
