i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
