Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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