my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
