Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Damn victory sex feels great
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
