just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
