Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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