The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Im part way to drunk.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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