At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
