I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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