yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
