I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
