Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
