I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
if only i could text you this smell
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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