That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
