end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
