I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
