Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
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