If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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