swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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