I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
