Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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