New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
