...so i touched it.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
