drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
