if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
