I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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