He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
