just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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